


My Everything, Is You

by thegreatwall0fsam



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alpha Jensen, Alternate Universe, Angst, BAMF!Jensen, Felching, Fighting During Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Jealousy, Knotting, M/M, Omega Jared, Rimming, a/o dyanmics, angst with happy ending, bottom!Jared, top!Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 18:02:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9083344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreatwall0fsam/pseuds/thegreatwall0fsam
Summary: Jensen Ackles is an Alpha, who's been in love with the most stubborn Omega in town for the last five years of his young life.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [storyspinner70](https://archiveofourown.org/users/storyspinner70/gifts).



> Based of the following prompt: 
> 
> Jensen is an alpha, and in love with Jared. Jared is a snooty, spoiled thing (he's not really a dick, he's just self-centered) that can't imagine bending knees for an alpha and having his perfect life of leisure ruined by keeping house and raising children. Jensen won't use his alpha status (for example, the alpha voice he knows Jared wouldn't be able to ignore, etc) unfairly, so he uses other means to catch Jared's attention. Their species are up to you (humans, weres, etc), as are the means Jensen employs to snag Jared.
> 
> It's been a long while since I've written anything so yeah... I hope you like it! Sorry it was two days late!

Jared trembles under Jensen's palms, his skin so hot it burns. Jared moves like sin, pushing up, wanting more, begging with his body, squeezing Jensen so fucking tight he forgets everything else in the world.

Jensen pushes in, feels his knot blossoming, Jared whimpers in pain as it tries to force itself into him.

"No," Jared breathes, trying so hard to catch his breath, but his body betrays, moves with Jensen, urges his knot; wants it. Needs it. "Stop, Jensen, fuck," he begs and presses his hands on Jensen's chest, pushing with the last strength he has.

Jensen thrust in harder, the sensation of his growing knot catching on Jared's rim too strong, too amazing to want to stop. "Come on," he rushes, begging, "fuck, Jared, please let me. Please. Please."

But Jared is squirming now, the way he always does when he's about to be knotted. "Stop," Jared is biting at his lip in a twist of pleasured anguish and Jensen can see the bright red flash of his blood. "Oh fuck, seriously," he arches his back, trying so hard to get away. "Stop, Jen. Pull out, fuck. Get out," Jared finally shoves so hard it knocks Jensen back into reality.

Jensen groans and pulls out roughly, ignoring the cry of pain that Jared gasps out as he rolls out from under Jensen. "Goddamnit, Jared," Jensen wheezes, his hand closed tight around his aching knot, pumping quickly, trying his best to remember the feel of Jared's tight heat, just so he can get off. It works, like always and he shudders, gasping out Jared's name as he collapses on the bed, back turned to Jared who's breathing so hard it's all Jensen can really hear in the room. Without the heated grip of Jared's body his knot deflates almost as fast as it started.

Jared takes a moment, to calm his heart beat, to slow his breathing, before he sits up, arms still a little shaky as he leans against the headboard, gulping down deep pulls of air into his lungs to calm down.

Jensen forces himself to count to twenty before he turns and looks at Jared, Jared Padalecki, the goddamn love of his life, trying to catch his breath and dripping with sweat from their fucking. His chest and neck are still sweetheart pink with arousal and it's infuriating. Jensen wants to use his tongue to lick up every single salty drop from his skin. Jensen groans and rolls onto his feet, grabbing for the sheet, uncaring that Jared squawks at the sudden nakedness. 

He deserves it. 

At least Jensen's bruised ego believes so. 

"I'm taking a shower," Jensen mutters and walks straight into the bathroom without giving Jared a chance to saying anything back. He slams the door behind him, just for good measure, that'll teach him. 

Jensen doesn't take long, mostly because he wants to see Jared before he decides to bolt. It's a quick shower; just to get the grime and Jared's come off his skin, make it glow again. When Jensen makes his way back into his bedroom Jared is already dressed, sliding a socked foot into a ratty pair of converse. 

Jensen sighs and leans against the doorframe and watches him silently, his chest pounding, heart so full of fondness he hates that this pesky kid does it to him. Why he allowed himself to fall for such a person, such a stubborn Omega, Jensen will never know. He tightens the towel around his waist and makes his way back to the bed, standing so close to Jared he sniffs at the air, smells the ripe scent of their sex. Sometimes Jensen thinks he can find a way to bottle the scent up, just so he has it forever.

"I've gotta go," Jared speaks up first, standing up and looking around the room for his book bag. Jensen points to it; flung against the wall the moment they stepped in and Jensen couldn't do more than rip everything off Jared just to get to the softness of his skin. 

Jared looks everything like what a normal, struggling college student looks like, but Jensen knows better because there is absolutely nothing struggling about Jared Padalecki's life. The silver spoon, while hidden behind ratty, worn clothes, and greasy three day old hair, it is still right there, about face, in the expensive designer watch Jared was gifted on his birthday or the sprawling mansion he drives his obnoxiously loud supped up 1965 Mustang, to. 

Jensen begins to gather the bedclothes; he needs to do laundry, feels Jared's eyes on him. It burns, always just a slow burn. "I'm sorry I didn't-" Jensen mutters softly, always feels like he's apologizing for what comes naturally for him. "When you first asked, I should've-"

Jared waves his hand distractedly as he scrolls through his phone. Jensen dumps the soiled sheets in the hamper and grabs for clean ones. "What are we doing?" Jensen finally asks the one question he himself has been afraid to ask through out the course of their four-year back and fourth.

It just sucks that Jensen knows exactly what he's doing. He just wished Jared knew.

Jared stuffs his phone into his back pocket and brushes the hair out of his eyes, the same way that drives Jensen a little insane. Jared looks at his watch briefly and loops his book back across his chest. "You know how I feel," Jared says, like he's said it a hundred times and maybe he has. One thing that Jared has been the most vocal about, more than his desire and attraction for Jensen has been his unmovable stance of not becoming the same subservient Omega society expects him to be. In doing so, Jared has told Jensen on several occasions, in many different ways, that he will not allow anyone to knot him, he will not marry; he will never subject himself to the expected norms that comes with being a mated Omega. It's not in his interest, it never will be.

Jared walks over and grabs the other end of the fitted sheet Jensen is struggling with and helps him out. Jensen can sense Jared's warmth and adoration, even if he doesn't admit to it. Jared does care for him, just doesn't want to be with him the way a proper Omega should be with an Alpha.

"I'm not going to bend to society-"

Jensen sighs and smoothens the flat sheet over his bed, "I told you it wouldn't be like that," he reminds Jared, because they've had this conversation and variations of it more than Jensen cares to remember. "You know I don't want you to be like that," Jensen bends down to gather his comforter that was flung from the bed in the midst of their passion. "Jared, what do you need me to say?"

Jared looks over at him, a frown on his face that tears right through everything that Jensen thinks he has over Jared. "I don't need you to say anything, I'm not going to let any Alpha knot me," Jared says matter of fact, with so much conviction Jensen knows unless he's taken by force, he'll never let it happen. "I told you the first time you tried. You think just because we keep doing this, my mind's going to change?"

Jensen feels his hackles rising in challenge, he knows Jared isn't meaning it that way but Jensen's alpha doesn't really have the ability to differentiate between real or rhetorical intention. "Jared-"

He shakes his head and walks over, stands just a few inches taller than Jensen and smells like heaven, Jensen's scent all over him, tantalizing and delicious. "I've gotta go, class in 30 minutes," he reaches out and skims a hand up Jensen's neck, the tip of his thumb rubbing carefully along Jensen's bottom lip. "You're so fucking gorgeous, Jen," he whispers and leans in, catching his mouth, open and so fucking responsive Jensen wraps his arms around Jared so tightly he squeezes a little huff of pleasure from him. He loves the noises Jared makes when Jared's in is arms.

Jensen pulls back first, the taste of Jared's come filled mouth potent and dirty on his taste buds. "Dinner?"

Jared offers the faintest of guilty smiles and shakes his head as he pulls away. "Can't, parents are hosting a dinner party. I'm pretty sure it's a cover for some covert matchmaking scheme," he laughs and heads out of the bedroom with Jensen following close behind. 

"Jared," Jensen warns heatedly, the jealous swoop knocking him down just a peg or two. But Jared is laughing at the murderous look on Jensen's face, he reaches for Jensen one last time, at the front door, hand coming down to squeeze him through the towel as he bites down and licks into Jensen's mouth like a tease.

"There's no need to Alpha out, Jensen," Jared grins mischievously and rubs between Jensen's legs enough to arouse, "You're my one and only Alpha," he kisses Jensen one last time, opening the door. "It's you-"

Jensen feels his heart break at the confession. "You just won't let me-?"

"No," Jared shakes his head and begins down the hall. "I will never let you do that," this time he does sound apologetic. "Isn't it enough that we have this?" he turns, walking backwards and Jensen clutches at the doorframe.

"Do I have a choice?" he calls out just before Jared turns the corner. The playful glint in his eyes is his answer.

Jared's smile brightens the hallway and Jensen hates that he closes the door to hide the warm sunshine.

 

Jensen's a little drunk when Chris, his longest and best friend, starts having "the talk" with him. 

It's not the first time and until Jensen is properly mated, will not be the last time they have it. Jensen's just glad his limbs are loose and he's feeling good, good enough he's not even bothered that Jared is probably flirting with whoever his parents have set him up with. 

Jensen doesn't really listen to Chris anymore; it's just the same repetitive crap he always says. Instead Jensen wonders if Jared would take the kid up to his room and fuck him, even though they have this weird, pseudo relationship of sorts. 

"You're thinking of him aren't you?" Jensen turns his eyes over to Chris who's a little flushed from his drinks, lips pulled up in a wry smile. "I know because you're frowning," Chris drinks what's left in his glass. "Whenever you think of that kid, you look miserable."

"No," Jensen shakes his head because that's not true, Jared brings him such happiness, even though he can also, but not always, bring him incredible sorrow; maybe Chris has a point. "No, not always," he mutters and tries not to imagine Jared naked and sweaty and moving like sin under someone else. "His parents want to get him mated," Jensen speaks up, feels the corner of his lip tipping up in a smile that has no joy, makes him feel nothing, just a little empty. "He doesn't want me like that and-" Jensen throws back the rest in his glass down his throat just so he can feel the burn, the heat that rolls down and warms his stomach. "I don't know," he sighs with a wince and hands his empty glass to Chris.

"I don't know why I bother drinking with you; you're such a fucking downer," Chris mutters and gives him another three fingers. "I know you like this kid-"

"I _love_ him," Jensen corrects which earns him a strained eye roll from Chris.

"Ok, so you love him, but what's the big deal about him? He got a magical asshole or something?"

Jensen laughs so suddenly he almost spits out his drink, which sends him into a coughing fit. "Fucker," he's coughing and laughing at the same time, wiping at his face. "Fuck you, Chris. Don't talk about him like that."

Chris looks proud of himself for a moment and settles back down beside him on the couch, turns his body for better comfort. "Seriously, Jensen, you're a good looking kid, got a good job, look at this place," Chris waves his arms around Jensen's penthouse, "your parents left you good money, you could have any little, knot hungry, bitch out there-"

Jensen grimaces, "I don't want a knot hungry bitch, _Chris_ ," he mutters. He wants Jared, he loves that Jared is different. He loves that Jared wants to be independent, doesn't want to be what everyone thinks he should be. He loved and respected that about Jared five years ago when he was a senior in high school and Jared was a stubborn, steel headed sophomore.

Back then Jensen only cared that Jared was the prettiest thing he'd set eyes on as the new kid in school. Jensen can still hear him, the disgust in his voice when Jensen tried to get him.

_"You think just because you're gorgeous and rich, that you can shove that knot into any hole? You think I'm just a little piggy who wants to be bred?"_

_The embarrassment is like a slap in the face, his skin red in shock. But Jared doesn't stop, and doesn't care who's listening; in fact Jensen thinks he's getting off on the attention that's mounting around them._

_"You think because I'm Omega I want to fall on my knees and service you like a whore?"_

_"N-no-I-"_

_Jared laughs meanly and steps up to Jensen, almost as tall, almost as built and strong. Jensen tries not to moan as Jared's angry pheromones dance around Jensen's senses in temptation._

_Jared eyes are like starbursts, blue and gold, green flecks and shades of brown that leave him breathless. Jensen knows he's hooked, even as Jared hands him his ass in front of his fellow classmates, in front of too many people Jensen doesn't even care about._

_He leans in close, "I will never be yours," Jared whispers in promise, "which is a shame," Jared breathes, hot enough it makes Jensen hard, "because you look like you'd fuck me really good," he sighs heatedly and pulls away. Jared looks at him like he's a scumbag, despite the filth he just whispered. "Now leave me the fuck alone."_

_Jared walks away, which leaves Jensen standing there awkward and embarrassed, dick hard enough to cut through stone. He feels the heavy slap of a hand on his shoulder._

_"Holy shit, that was rough," Chris laughs and Jensen turns to his friend._

_"Yeah but-" Jensen watches the way Jared laughs and keeps walking. It's not until Jared reaches the parking lot that he turns around finds Jensen. Jensen catches that gaze like a punch in the stomach. His breath catches. "He's gonna be mine," Jensen keeps looking at Jared, can feel the blush radiating 100 yards away, as Jared ducks his head and finally turns away. "I promise you, Chris, he's gonna be my mate."_

And their back and fourth, to and fro relationship has been such ever since. 

Chris groans in annoyance and sets his drink down, "Look, you've been after this kid for years, and yeah, you guys fuck around and that's cute but Jensen, I know you, I know what you want-" Chris's voice fades softly as he sets his glass on the table and turns to his longtime friend. It looks like he has some deep, wholehearted mushy stuff to say to him.

Jensen doesn't think he's ever seen Chris look so serious and this is the part of "the talk" that Jensen knows he really should be listening too. "Chris-

But his friend's staring right into Jensen's eyes and Chris looks like he needs Jensen to really listen to him, to understand where he's coming from. "I hate to say this man, because I know how you feel but-maybe, maybe it's time you let him go," Chris suggests solemnly. "Jared isn't budging, Jen. You've been trying to change his mind and it's been five years now. How long you gonna wait for him?" Chris fills his glass again before he settles back down. It looks like he's carrying a weight that Jensen knows is because Chris has some ridiculous need to ensure Jensen's happiness. 

The problem is and the one thing Chris doesn't understand is that Jensen thinks he really could wait the rest of his life for Jared, if he has too. It's absurd. Jensen knows it. But it's hard to stop loving someone you've been in love with for years and years.

Jensen sighs, wants to defend himself ferociously but Chris beats him to it.

"Goddamnit, Jen, what's going to happen when the kid's parents arrange his marriage and he has no choice anymore?" Chris asks seriously, glassy eyes sharper than normal, even behind the booze. "You come from that society, Ackles, you know your parents would do the same if you were in his shoes. You know all they want is to make a good deal with another rich family."

Jensen closed his eyes, pictures his precious boy bound, mated to another anonymous dick, someone who doesn't- can't love him the way Jensen can. "Stop-" he chokes out and drinks from the empty glass in his hands. "He wouldn't-"

But Chris is being particularly ruthless tonight; "Jared Padalecki is the kind of Omega that pretends he has a choice in his own future. His parents are old school, they are going to guarantee a lucrative match, you know this, you knew it the day your dick fell in love with him," Chris drinks slowly. "You want him so bad you can't see past the reality of the situation." Chris slams the rest of his drink down the hatch and hisses before he zero's in on Jensen again. "You need to let him go. Now."

An invisible hand squeezes the life from Jensen's heart and he can feel the burst of tears flooding his drunken eyes. "You don't-"

"Stop," Chris holds his hand up to stop him, like he's a child, "No, look, you're too good of a catch to just wait for Jared to wise up. This is me being the only family you have left," Chris aims for the heart, "you know your parents would never let you do this. You _know_ this, Jensen," and Chris is looking at him like he loves him more than anything in the world. "I like the kid, I think he's cool and he's smart and funny and understands the dynamics of wealth and tradition, but it also makes him dangerous, because he wants to fight an ideal that's been around for thousands of years. He can't do it, Jen, he won't," Chris sighs, like the weight of the world is on his shoulders, "he thinks he can, but he won't. He can't, and you deserve an omega that will love you more than life itself. And Jared Padalecki, he will do nothing but resent you for it."

Jensen feels the burn in his eyes; the clench of his chest, the reality that everything Chris is saying is truth. They want different lives, Jensen wants a mate that will appreciate his love, that will not only want, but love the idea of being taken care of. Jared only thinks of mating as a prison sentence and Jensen, he can't, he shouldn't force his ideals on anyone, even if he loves them.

Like he loves Jared.

Jensen rubs at his face, pushes at the tears that seem to slink out of the corners of his eyes; the burn of sadness and regret. "Ok," Jensen nods, extends his hand out so Chris can fill his glass. He needs more to drink if he is really going to go through with this decision. 

Chris gives him more than he probably should and keeps his eyes on Jensen. "You ok?"

Jensen breathes in the scent of his expensive alcohol; the intoxication is almost as heady as being near Jared, as touching him, kissing him, fucking him.

Jensen shakes his head before he takes a sip and feels his heart jump in his chest. "No, Chris," Jensen frowns, the burn behind his eyes almost painful, heat and sadness. "I am not ok."

Chris looks like he wants to apologize but he doesn't. Jensen wants to believe that Chris has a point, even though it hurts like fucking hell.

Jensen doesn't know if he will be able to let Jared go, even if he should. He drinks the rest of his glass and sighs. "This sucks," he mutters softly, a little surprised when he feels the warm press of his best friend's encouraging hand.

"I know man, I'm sorry," Chris gives his shoulder a squeeze. "I really am fucking sorry."

Jensen knows he is, just wishes it didn't hurt so damn much.

 

Jensen stands like a fidgeting child being forced to do something he doesn't want to. His heart is skipping every other beat, his stomach has been twisting and turning all morning and Jensen has been just on the brink of throwing up. 

It's not easy telling the love of your life that you're letting him go. 

There's something really submissive about what he's about to do, makes Alpha whine in weakness, makes him feel like he's betraying his natural state. Jensen thinks his father would be so disappointed if he could see him now. 

It's depressing on top of all the other shit Jensen is dealing with.

The crash, bang of doors opening down the medieval halls of the university erupt and it really isn't long before he hears the sweet little serenade of Jared's voice.

Jensen looks up and melts a little at the sweet butter smile across Jared's lips as he talks to his friend. He doesn't even notice Jensen, but it's not long before Jensen see's Jared's straight shoulders tense. His head perks up, eyes narrowed and scanning before they land on Jensen who's leaning against a pillar not more than 20 feet away. 

Jensen feels the daggers as he knows that he needs to do what he needs to do, doesn't mean he wants to. He watches Jared say a few more words to his friend before he veers away and heads for Jensen. 

Jared doesn't look particularly happy to see him, but he also doesn't look upset about it, which Jensen thinks is a win.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Jared asks softly, his eyes the questionable color of galaxy starbursts. "You know-" 

Jensen stops him with a wave of his hand. Jared's eyes duck for a moment, despite everything in the world that Jared tries to fight, there is a level of respect an Omega must show an Alpha, it's instinct, it's also law, it's the thing that Jared despises and the only thing Jensen won't use to claim Jared as his own.

He knows he can if he really wanted too, but he's never been in his nature. Despite everything Jensen has the ability to do to claim Jared, he won't, not if it means Jared's unhappiness.

"I need to talk to you; I know you have some time before physics."

Jared nods and looks around before he meets Jensen's eyes, his cheeks are a little flushed, "Uh, yeah," his hands are fidgeting around the strap of his bag, it looks like he's trying not to touch, which is odd. While Jensen would have his hands on Jared every moment of the day, if he would let him, Jared has always been so controlled.

They walk in silence towards the courtyard, a pretty section of the university that's shrouded by roses and season appropriate flowers. It's quite a lovely place and Jensen's stomach clenches like it's got teeth and is tearing through his sensitive tissue. 

He really doesn’t want to do it, doesn't want to let Jared go; Jensen looks up and drinks in the golden tan of Jared's skin, the pretty pucker of his lips, breathes in the honey sweet scent that always makes Jensen shudder in desire.

He's gorgeous, always has been, from the moment he caught sight of him in high school.

Jensen's heart feels like it's dropping into his stomach.

Jared bites at the plump pillow of his bottom lip as he waits for Jensen to speak.

It is seriously the most submissive, omega like behavior Jared has ever exhibited. Jensen almost thinks he should be worried. This is very unlike Jared.

There's an empty bench, away from the rest of the traffic and Jared sits, swings his bag down onto his lap and turns his body towards Jensen, in full attention.

Jensen reaches out and runs his hand through Jared's hair, relishes in the pleasant hum and soft smile Jared gifts him. "How was class?"

Jared breathes in and sighs, "It was fine, our Professor gave us a pop quiz," he shrugs and turns his eyes away for a moment, "luckily I'm about two weeks ahead in my reading, so it was a piece of cake," Jared smiles for a moment, he clears his throat, "so you wanted to talk?"

Jensen nods, feels his stomach clench. "So, this is kind of hard because you know how I feel about you," Jensen reaches out for Jared's hand, they curl loving around his fingers. He takes a moment, breathes in deep into his lungs, feels the heat of Jared's gaze, "I also know how you feel about me, more importantly, how you feel about our situation," he adds and looks right into Jared's eyes.

Jared puffs out a small huff of a strained laugh and darts his eyes around as if he's nervous. "Ok, where's this going?" He swallows and Jensen watches the slow bob of his adam's apple.

Jensen breathes in, deep into his lungs, feels it trip down his chest in hesitation before he slides in close and hugs up against Jared's body, just to feel him for what is going to be the last time, most likely. 

"Um," Jensen pauses, looks away for a moment before he turns back and falls into the depths of Jared's starburst eyes. They are so beautiful, he can't believe this could be the last time he actually has the opportunity to be so close. "I've realized that we are in two different places," Jensen says carefully, "You know what you want and I know what I want," Jensen sighs, "Unfortunately, I want something different and we're going in opposite directions."

Jensen feels the tug of Jared, feels him pulling away, and watches the way his soft pink colored cheeks deepen in concern. "Jensen-"

But he's not going to let Jared say anything because he knows if Jared talks, consoles, touches him, he'll change his mind. Everything Chris said, everything he knows is for the best will go flying out the window just to enjoy the warmth of Jared's embrace, his love, his adoration, his small offer in life.

"I know that you care for me, Jared, may even," Jensen gulps and pushes on, "may even love me, but we want such different things. You know I'm looking for a mate, you know I want a family and I've put that aside because I want _you_ -" Jensen really just wants to touch him, feel Jared's warmth under his palm. He gives a little smile, even though all he feels is sadness, because he's saying goodbye. "I love you, and I know what I want from you isn't what you want for yourself," Jensen sighs and runs his hand nervously through his hair, trying to steady his nerves. "I want nothing more than to make you happy but our happiness's are very different," he offers a small smile, one that hurts to give, his heart beating so sadly in his chest; So full of regret and sorrow. "So I think-I think we're done," Jensen breathes in deep, the pain so sharp he thinks his voice cracks.

Jensen can hear the catch in Jared's breath, the severe stager of his acknowledgment, "Jen, I told you," his eyes are sparkling and glistening like pretty crystals. "You knew-"

Jensen nods and grabs for Jared's hands, tries to pull them into his chest, hold him close, "I'm not asking you to change, Jared," he urges, pressing Jared's fist to his chest, so Jared can sense, can feel the thump thump of his heart beat. "I would never ask you to be someone you're not. "

"You've been talking to Chris, haven't you? You always get like this when you talk to your friends. Jen-" Jared gives a lofty laugh but Jensen can hear the nerves behind it. It's not that Jared doesn't like his friends but… Jared doesn't really like his friends, not in the harsh kind of hate, but a low-grade dislike for them, mostly because of one reason. Jared knows they don't want Jensen with him, Jared knows there are constant conversations between Jensen and his friends about breaking up with Jared so Jensen can have a normal life. 

He's told Jared as much. 

It's not that they don't get along, Jensen doesn't think he could be with anyone who genuinely doesn't like his friends, they're the only family he has, but Jensen knows there is contention between them and somehow Jensen trying to bridge the rift has always been the one fighting for their relationship, or at least fighting for whatever it is they have together.

Despite everything, he loves Jared and that has always been the most important thing. 

Until maybe now.

"It's not them, I mean, yes, I spoke with Chris but that's not what this is about. What _this_ is about is that I've been waiting for years for you to change your mind-"

"But you-" Jared huffs because Jared has never hidden his intention, has never masked his feelings.

Jensen knows this.

"Please, Jared, stop, and listen to me," Jensen raises his hand again, he's serious, can see Jared nod in submission, "I've been hoping that you'd change your mind. I know how you feel, I know what you want but I can't honestly say that I haven't secretly _hoped_ that it would change.

"I'm coming to terms with this now, I understand that it's not fair that I want you to change for me," Jensen sighs and offers the smallest of smiles, "I want you to be the best person you can be," he reaches out and cups at Jared's cheek, hoping that Jared can feel his affection, his real, true emotion with just the press of their skin together. 

Jared closes his eyes and breathes in deep.

"Jensen-"

But Jensen keeps talking, needs to get his peace out, "I want kids, I want a family and even if you appeased me because I'm alpha, I'd know you'd resent me for it. I don't want to live the rest of my life knowing I forced you into doing this for me," his hand drops back to his lap and feels a prickle behind his eyes, a swift skip of a heartbeat. "That's not what I want for you. I love you, and it's certainly not what I want for me." 

There are tears in Jared's eyes as he looks around then ducks his head, shoulders heaving up and down in deep breathes. It takes a moment before Jared speaks and Jensen feels ready to claw out of his skin.

"Ok," it's almost a whisper.

It's not at all what Jensen expects; it actually tears him up inside hearing the firm finality of the simple phrase.

"Ok?" Jensen clears his throat, raw with a lump that's tearing at his vocal chords. "Ok? Is that all you have to say after all this time?" the disappointment is too obvious in his tone, he can feel it creeping along under his skin.

Jared won't look at him, keeps his eyes down. "No, that's not all," his voice is haggard and wet, like his eyes when he finally looks up at Jensen. "Why the hell would you tell me this when I'm at school? You couldn't have waited until later? Maybe some place private?" Jared hisses, his eyes narrowed accusingly at Jensen.

Jensen sighs sadly, "I know you're upset-"

But Jared cuts him off like a knife pressing against his throat. "I’m not upset, I'm fucking furious at you right now-"

"Jared, don't-" Jensen reaches out and grabs his arm, alarmed when Jared pulls away from him like a burn. This isn't how he hoped things would go. 

"Don't touch me!" He cries and Jensen is physically aware that other people are now staring at them, listening in on their conversation. It's not uncommon for an alpha to degrade and bring an omega down in front of crowds and Jensen hates that others are thinking, assuming that's what's happening.

He can see it in the way Jared's shoulders are tight under his t-shirt, his scent soured by shame as he backs away slowly. "Damn it, Jared, please calm down. I know-"

But Jared shakes his head, eyes wild and a little sad, "You don't know anything."

Jensen breathes in deep, air seeping deep into his lungs, trying to calm him but Jared is looking a little broken and a whole lot pissed off. "Jared-"

Jared pushes away and stands up, straightening his backpack straps. "It's fine, you want a family," he shrugs nonchalantly, like he doesn't care but Jensen knows Jared's trying to fight against the pheromones of regret and sadness flowing in invisible waves right in Jensen's direction. 

Jared clears his throat, eyes away from Jensen, ignoring him, refusing to look at him as he takes a stand. "I hope you find someone who will give you one." It doesn't sound like a lie.

But Jensen still wishes and hopes, even if it's hopeless. "I wanted you-"

Jared shuts him down too quick, "I don't want that and you know it. Even now, why are you still trying to guilt me-"

And for the first time Jensen straightens his shoulder and pushes his chest out, it doesn't make him feel better, just a little superior to remind Jared of his station. "It's not guilt, Jared, I could make you. I could make you bend to me." There's a part of Jensen that knows Jared would hate him for the rest of his life.

Jared sighs, intoxicated for a just a moment, his eyes dilating for a moment, a swift shudder of his body as he takes a step back carefully. "You're right," Jared admits sadly, a frown on his lips, like he knows his future, "You could but," he pauses for a moment, takes a deep breathe, leaves enough time between them that Jensen shakes a little, "I would hate you," Jared finally says solidly, like he means it and Jensen feels a shock to his heart like a battery connected directly too it. "I would hate you for the rest of my life. You think you could live with that?"

Jensen's chest hurts as he finally stands up and runs his hands down his expensive work shirt, smoothens his tie. "No," Jensen admits and sighs, deep in his bones. "No, I could never live with that and that's why, this is the best decision for us," Jensen looks up into Jared's eyes.

He bites at his lip, his mouth trembling, his eyes a beautiful sheen of watery resistance. "I have to go-" his voice wavers for a just a moment. "I've got class."

Jensen nods and steps back to let Jared pass. He reaches out, wrapping his hands around Jared's bicep, giving him a quick little tug.

"Will you-" Jensen breathes in deeply, "please let me hold you one last time?" Jensen asks suddenly, his voice sore and broken. "Jared, please."

It's not a moment before Jared is pressed up against Jensen's chest, his long arms wrapped so tightly around Jensen, he can hardly breathe. "I hate you for this," Jared whispers brokenly, the heat of his body bleeding into Jensen. "I hate you so much."

Jensen's voice shakes, his mouth kissing the sweet heated skin of Jared's neck, making it's way up under his jaw, to Jared's mouth that opens up with a whimper. Jensen sighs and holds him close, like he never wants to let Jared go. "I'm sorry," he whispers, kisses Jared in goodbye. "I love you," he whispers, holding Jared close, pressing his lips to Jared's mouth, his neck, his skin, "I'm sorry."

Jared shivers and there are tears in his eyes as he pushes Jensen away. "You did this," he wipes at his eyes with annoyance and moves away, hoisting his bag up on his shoulders. "I want you to be happy," Jared says after a while, his eyes glistening and his pretty pink mouth pulled down in a fighting frown. "Be happy, Jensen, because you deserve it. Even if-" his voice breaks for a moment, "even if it's not with me." Jared nods and gives a halfhearted smile before he gives one last swift, almost a ghost of a kiss on Jensen's mouth and walks away.

Jensen watches Jared walk away from him. 

Leaves his life. 

A part of Jensen wants to follow Jared, sweep him away, make excuses him for missing class but Jensen remembers his reasons for coming here. He knows why Jared is walking away from him and no matter how much it hurts, how much his heart is breaking in his chest, it's for the best.

Jared stops for a moment, mid step and looks over his shoulder, right at Jensen, the same way he did on that fateful day in high school.

Jensen's breath catches as he zooms in, right into Jared's gaze and he can see the soft, tender sheen of Jared's eyes, the tremble of his mouth. His misery spreads like waves of sadness down Jensen's body. 

"I'm sorry," Jensen whispers brokenly as he turns away and takes a deep breath to help him step forward and away.

It’s the hardest thing Jensen has ever had to do and he hopes one day Jared can forgive him.

 

"It's for the best, Jen, you know this," Chris hands over a full glass of the best scotch Jensen's father left him.

Jensen drinks it down like cheap vodka without a chaser.

He hisses in pain and feels the heat traveling down his body. It's almost as painful as the realization that he let the love of his life go this afternoon.

For the last hour Chris has been trying to convince him that what he's done has been the best decision but all Jensen can do is remember the feel of Jared's skin, how tender he feels under his hands, the precious heat right at the center of his body that Jensen loves more than anything in the world.

"More," Jensen grunts and hands Chris his empty glass back.

He thinks he's going to be drinking for a while. 

Chris also seems to know Jensen's intention. "If you think I’m going to let you waste your father's good alcohol, you got another thing coming to you. You are not the only person in the world to break up with someone."

Jensen glares at his oldest friend and there is a physically detestable reaction towards him. "I want you to know, I _really_ hate you right now."

Chris nods sadly; the normal light in his eyes falls a little dim. "I know, Jen," he gives Jensen three fingers of bourbon and stands right beside him, his hand on Jensen's shoulder. "I'm still sorry. If I could make things better-"

Jensen swallows it down, trying to numb himself, if he can't feel anything, or remember what feelings are, he'll get through the most painful day of his life. Jensen reaches over and grabs the 20 year old bottle of scotch that was one of his father's pride and joys.

"This will make me feel better," Jensen drinks straight from the bottle and Chris sighs sadly.

"Jensen, you can't-"

"You were the one who told me to leave him. I think I've listened to you enough for now," Jensen takes a long pull from the bottle, a small trail of burning alcohol smoothing along the corner of his mouth down to his neck. Jensen doesn't even bother to wipe it away and stares off into the distance. "Please leave me alone."

It's the first time Jensen can ever remember dismissing Chris. 

The pain makes him get past the betrayal. He'll call Chris in the morning, make sure he didn't say or do anything that could end their friendship.

"Don't be reckless tonight, Jen. If you need someone, even if you don't want to call me, you know you have other people," Chris says on his way out. 

Jensen drinks more from the warm bottle in his hands.

"Just go," he mutters and doesn't even think about the slam of the door when Chris leaves.

 

**4 Months later**

 

Matt Cohen is a sweet, handsome, Omega from a good family that Jensen's been courting.

He's a friend of Steve, Chris's mate who thinks Jensen would really like if he could just get over Jared Padalecki.

The first month Jensen refuses to pay attention to anyone, going out of his way to go to places were Jared wouldn't show up. He calls ahead, sends his friend in before he enters just to make sure there is no chance of running into him. His heart couldn't take it. It's already hard enough to breathe in the morning, trying not to think about him.

Soon Jensen actually starts allowing himself to acknowledge the attention he gets from others. With Jared out of the picture, there are so many other Omegas that seek his attention, he never noticed before. It's a little overwhelming, the sweet scents, the sugar milk smell of Omega's who desire his attention.

It's weird that he's never noticed it before, having been so wrapped up around Jared's scent. There is a small part of Jensen that wonders if he didn't spend so much of his life hoping and chasing after Jared that maybe he'd already find someone and have a family.

But it's not long before Jensen realizes what he had with Jared, he'd never give back.

Then Jensen meets Matt at Chris and Steve's End of Summer Bash. He's the good looking kid on the barstool, drinking something harsh as he stares at Jensen from across the room.

Steve sidles up next to Jensen. "His name's Matt," he says, sipping from his beer.

Jensen glances over and his Alpha appreciates the sweet scent coming off of Matt. He's pretty with beautiful eyes and a full mouth. "Well, he definitely is appealing."

Chris moves in behind Steve and wraps his arm around his shoulders. "Well, nothing's as sexy as being 'appealing'" he scoffs and nuzzles monetarily at Steve's neck before he snatches Jensen's drink and downs the rest of the scotch down. "Stop being a shy little bitch and go talk to him. He came just for you."

Jensen snatches his glass back and whishes he had more than just a couple of drops left for himself. "I don't know-"

But Chris gives him a shove in Matt's direction. "Stop being such a picky bastard. He's gorgeous, you're gorgeous; you'll look great together, go and shut up," Chris finishes and shoves again, this time too hard, like he's purposely sending him in that direction.

Jensen takes the hint and takes a chance.

Matt Cohen ends up being pretty amazing.

He's submissive enough that keeps Jensen's Alpha happy and sassy enough that it keeps Jensen on his feet.

He is almost wonderful enough to make Jensen forget that Jared ever existed.

They haven't knotted, though Matt has been very receptive to the idea and that makes Jensen's Alpha very excited. 

After a couple months of typical Alpha/Omega courting Jensen asks Matt's parents to dinner and offers his intentions.

His mother almost squeals with happiness while Matt's father gives Jensen a firm handshake and a pleased smile.

It's finally all happening, for him, he knows he could be happy with Matt. He wants to start a family and Matt has at least expressed his desire for a family. It really is amazing how someone can be so different. 

It's a little fast but sometimes fast isn't a bad thing and Jensen is ready. 

Jensen tries not to regret all the time he's wasted, Jared is and will probably be the love his life but Jensen seems to have very real and heartfelt feelings for Matt. It's not nearly the same kind of love but Jensen believes in time, he can truly love Matt, maybe not the same way, but still love him.

With Matt's parents hearty approval Jensen think's he's going to properly ask Matt to be his mate on their anniversary when Jensen see's Jared for the first time in months.

For all his precautions and attempts to avoid Jared, Jensen's never actually seen Jared, until now. It's been hard.

Jared's dressed in a full, expensive suit with a waistcoat and his hair is slicked back, looking as perfect as Jensen last remembered seeing him. He's standing tall and full of pride, if anyone didn't know any better, he'd come off as an Alpha with the air that surrounds him.

He takes Jensen's breath away.

Everything shatters when he see's Mark Pellegrino coming up behind Jared, his hand taking Jared's elbow, wrapping his fingers possessively around him as he tugs Jared towards the table reserved for them on the opposite side of the room from Jensen.

Jared doesn't see Jensen but Jensen can feel the intuitive tug of Jared's presence when it's around him.

Jensen watches as Mark pulls out the seat for Jared. Jensen knows almost immediately that Jared hates it, hates the systematic ideals of what needs to be done based solely on societal position.

"This place is really nice," Matt says carefully, pulling him from Jared's presence.

When Jensen turns to Matt he looks overly cautious, his eyes darting over to Jared's table. 

Jensen feels a very real sense of needing to apologize but his gaze flits back towards Jared's table where one of Mark's hands has a firm grasp of Jared's wrist while he reads the menu. Jensen feels a tightness in his chest and forces his eyes to go back to Matt who looks a little sad and forgotten.

It's not fair to him and Jensen knows. He hates that Jared's pull, even when he's not attached to him, is still so intoxicating.

"Matt-"

But Matt shakes his head and reaches for his wine glass, "It's ok," he says carefully, "I know what happened between the two of you," he says causally, and it throws Jensen for a loop. Matt cracks a small, side smile like he's punishing Jensen for his abhorrent behavior and sets his glass down, using his cloth napkin to collect the errant wine drops from the corner of his lips. "Honestly, we all thought you'd end up with him, you'd be the one-"

Jensen frowns and clears his throat, pushing the severity of his alpha tone through with a rumble in his throat. Matt immediately softens up and lowers his eyes in submission. "I'm sorry, Jensen," he whispers.

"I will not have people talking about my past," Jensen speaks sharply shielding himself behind the menu.

"O-of course, I-I'm sor-" Matt stutters.

Jensen shakes his head, "Don't worry about it," Jensen lowers the menu to the table and catches Matt's apologetic gaze. He really is so handsome and Jensen feels a small morsel of regret. "I didn't mean to be harsh I just- Jared just. I mean, I just- I just don't want to talk about that, or be reminded of that," Jensen finishes carefully, waving for the waiter. "I want to move forward, I want to start a new life and I don't want to go back to that."

Matt nods and reaches out, curling his hand around Jensen's who squeezes back. "I understand, I want that for you too," he nods with a wonderfully open expression on his face.

Jensen smiles, almost forgetting that Jared is just on the other side of the restaurant, "On that note, there are a couple things I wanted to discuss with you," Jensen smiles at his boyfriend.

Boyfriend. There was a time Jensen didn't think he could ever think that again.

Matt's beautiful blue eyes glisten under the ambient light of the restaurant. "Sure, what's on your mind?" he asks and quickly quiets as soon as the waiter comes to their table.

It's only a couple of minutes to take their order and soon it's just the two of them. Jensen breathes in deep, reveling in the sweet, alluring smell of his omega. At least he hopes Matt will agree to be his omega, but he doesn't think there's anything preventing it. Matt, from the beginning, has been so responsive to anything Jensen offers him.

There's a part of Jensen that can't seem to sit still with excitement but then-

Jared.

Jensen glances back at the other side of the restaurant and see's Jared, he's looking bored as he listens to Mark talking. Jensen's heart twists painfully. 

It's just takes a second, a millisecond and like a tug of destiny Jared turns his head and meets Jensen's eyes.

It's like a shock to the heart, electricity that courses through every nerve; every vein in Jensen's body and it feels like his chest is going to explode.

His body is still so responsive to Jared, wants him.

He still longs for him.

Even as wonderful as Matt is, Jared-nothing will ever compare, nothing will ever be as passionate, as intoxicating-

"Jen?"

Jensen hates to do it, but he turns away from Jared and focuses on Matt who's pretty mouth is back at a hesitant line. 

Jensen blinks at Matt but still finds his eyes traveling back towards Jared who's still looking at him, like he's holding his breath.

Jensen shudders and wipes at his mouth before he stands up. "If you'll excuse me, I need to use the restroom."

Matt looks down so resigned he smells of it and nods. "Of course, Jensen."

Jensen tries to feel bad as he meets Jared's gaze one last time and feels a thrill of excitement as he sees Jared stand from the table he's sharing with Mark and excuses himself.

Jensen doesn't know if Mark has seen him but he doesn't care, his heart is beating like a ticking time bomb in his chest as he weaves around the tables and heads for the bathroom. 

Inside he hunches over a sink and breathes deep into his lungs as he gazes at his own reflection. His pupils dilate the moment the door opens and almost roll back into his head as soon as Jared's scent swirls like a dancer around every part of his body.

Jared steps beside him and Jensen does everything in his power not to wrap his arms around Jared's body, attach his mouth to Jared's neck.

The tension is so thick, their breathing heating up the mirrors.

"You're not even going to say anything to me?" Jared scoffs. "Can't? Now that you have your new pretty, submissive omega?" Jared asks scornfully and Jensen can feel the aggravation and resentment deep in his tone. 

Jensen's shoulders tense at the mention of Matt. Even if he can't compare, it doesn't mean Matt deserves ridicule. 

"Don't talk about him like that," he says and steadies his breathing as he pushes from the sink and comes face to face with the love of his life. The same man who Jensen will love eternally. He knows this. He's been resigned to this revelation from the beginning.

Jared smells so wonderful and looks so beautiful. Jensen feels his knees weakening, only one Omega in the world can do that to his Alpha.

Jensen reaches out and wraps his hand around Jared's neck and hauls him into his body. Just as always Jared moves so effortlessly against Jensen, his arms flinging around Jensen's body, pushing up against him so Jensen can feel every part of him. The heat of his cheek, the beat of his heart, the hardness of his cock as it digs against Jensen's hip.

"My god, you feel so good," Jensen whispers into Jared's ear as he presses against him, sucking every ounce of heat and pressure. "Jared-"

Jared buries his face into Jensen's neck, his mouth open and heated against Jensen's skin. "Shut up," he begs and kisses his neck, pulling away and Jensen can see the sheen in his eyes.

"Sweetheart," Jensen whispers, raising a hand to Jared's cheek. He presses his thumb against the pillow of his bottom lip, watching Jared's mouth open for him so beautifully wanton. 

Jared shakes his head and surges forward to press his lips against Jensen's, "I said shut up," he mouths before his tongue pushes through and Jensen clutches at him tighter, holding him so tight not a breath of air can pass between them.

Jared whimpers beautifully against his mouth and it's only a moment, like a blink he pulls back. "I need to go back," he wipes at his mouth, trying to rub the taste of Jensen away.

It devastates. "Jared, please-"

"Seriously, I want you to be happy, Jensen," and it really does look like Jared means it, they've been in love for so long it's hard to imagine not having it, even if it's just a fragile piece of what used to be. "Just don't, don't forget-"

Jensen grasps at his wrist, pulling Jared in for another bone crushing hug. Jensen holds him so close he wishes he could meld himself against his skin. "I will never forget. I will never stop lov-" his voice breaks for a moment and he feels Jared pulling away. It finally hits him to ask. "Why Mark Pellegrino? That bastard is a piece of shit," he finally speaks his truth and Jared laughs, wiping at his eyes.

"He may be a piece of shit but he sure knows how to use pretty words when it counts. My parents-" Jared shakes his head sadly and digs his hands into his pockets. "The families made a deal and I was the bargaining chip. It's-I hate it but, I can't do anything," Jared shrugs like it doesn't bother him but Jensen knows, he knows everything about Jared, knows every expression, every movement. He knows him better than anyone else could ever know. "It is what it is."

Jensen clears his throat for a moment, "Does he-"Jensen sighs heavily, "do you love him?"

Jared looks up and into Jensen's eyes, his eyes a sparkle of multi universes swirling around hypnotically and reminiscent of the love they used to have for him. "Love him?" Jared repeats and looks away, as if it's too hard to admit; won't- can't even look at Jensen. "I despise him," Jared mutters his answer, almost a whisper. "I hate him. I don't know how I will-"

"Are you-" Jensen swallows painfully, he's trying not to lose it, "has he?" Jensen can't even finish his sentence, in fear of Jared's response.

But Jared shakes his head. "No, but I need to within the year," Jared runs his hands through his hair, still won't look at Jensen and it breaks Jensen's heart to see his proud Omega so docile. "As soon as I produce the first alpha half of the Pellegrino fortune belongs to me-to my parents." Jared looks up and he's biting his lip, trying to stop the hateful tremble. "Nice deal right?" he half smiles with a sad laugh and Jensen feels his heart break.

"Jay-"

But Jared shakes his head and stands up tall, breathes deep for a few moments. He's still and will always take Jensen's breath away with his beauty, "I need to go, he'll wonder what's taking so long and if he catches us-" Jared frowns, "Just please, don't disappear again."

The request takes Jensen back. "I don't-"

Jared's eyes well suddenly and there's a stubborn tear that finally slides down his proud cheek. "I can't take not seeing you. This has been hard but it's been impossible with you hiding from me," his voice breaks after a moment and his resolve crumbles that has Jensen surging forward and embracing him again, Jared's arms are like ropes around his body, holding Jensen in place, keeping pressed right there, right there against him. Jared trembles under Jensen. "I miss you so much, Jensen," his voice cracks heartbrokenly, "I wish I hadn't been so stupid, so fucking dumb. If I could go back, if I could-"

Jensen tries to keep it together. "Don't do that to yourself, Jared," Jensen runs his hand through Jared's hair soothingly, brushing his fingers along Jared's neck in comfort, his other hand rubbing up and down Jared's strong back. "Please don't do that."

Jared nods after a few quiet moments, gives Jensen a heartbreaking squeeze and pulls away, rushing out of the bathroom without another word. 

It takes another few minutes before Jensen presses cold water on his face and heads back to Matt, who doesn't appear the least bit affected by his absence. 

"Everything ok?" Matt asks, placing his phone face down on the table top, Jensen looks around, making sure to ignore the direction of Jared and Mark as he takes his seat. Matt smiles solemnly, "Is Jared ok?"

The fact that Jensen isn't surprised at the question speaks volumes and he clears his throat, shifting on his seat for a more comfortable spot. "I-"

"I saw him the moment he came in, Jensen," Matt grabs for his phone again when it vibrates on the table. He glances for a second then puts it back down, turning towards Jensen expectantly.

Jensen sighs, glances over at Jared and see's Mark laughing at something Jared must've said, his thumb rubbing circles along Jared's pale wrist. His hackles rise, his Alpha unhappy at the sight and it isn't until Matt touches his hand that Jensen even realizes that he's just seconds away from vocally growling his displeasure.

"Calm yourself, Jensen." It is when Matt brushes his fingers over the top of Jensen's hand in soothing strokes that he finally starts to calm down. "Calm," he whispers and doesn't move his hand when the waiter comes back and refills both their glasses and sets their appetizer and salads in front of them.

They both give their thanks and Jensen turns to Matt, he wishes he were a better man for someone who clearly is better than his own self. "I'm sorry." Jensen reaches for his napkin with a sad shake of his head. "I've been terrible this evening," he states, fingers curling around the silver dinner salad fork. He looks into Matt's eyes. They really are such pretty eyes; ones that someone could and should fall helplessly in love with. "I really didn't expect this."

Matt nods seriously. "You still love him," it's not a question.

Jensen's heart skips a beat and his stomach clenches like a twist in his body. "No," Jensen admits softly, "I am still very much in love with him," he confesses and Matt nods down at his salad.

"How horrible this must be for you then," Matt says sadly and Jensen stares at him in astonishment. He isn't being hateful; he actually feels sadness towards Jensen. Jensen can sent it, can feel the want to comfort.

Jensen resigns. "I am so sorry, Matt," and it feels like the world is falling on his shoulders. Everything he'd done, everything he's told Matt, and every step he's taken to making Matt his and it all has crumbled at the mere sight of Jared. "You're parents, when I asked them. I intended to make you my ma-"

Matt's eyes glisten for that one terribly sad moment, when he realizes his dreams are being stolen by someone else. "It's not the greatest feeling in the world but it's ok," he takes a bite of his salad and Jensen watches him, his own food wasting away, his stomach is clenching unhappily. Matt wipes at his mouth and the glitter that's normally in his eyes, has a little less shine. He drinks from his wine glass. "My parents will be disappointed, sure, but they'll get over it," he gives a little laugh, albeit disappointed. "Honestly, I knew some specifics about your situation with Jared before you even asked me out." 

Jensen's eyes narrow in realization that the people he calls his best friends are going to have to pay for talking about his business with strangers. 

Matt can read him like a book, "Don't be upset with them, Jensen, they just wanted to make sure I understood where you were coming from," he offers a comforting smile, "Besides, you never promised me anything," Matt picks at his salad, a little sad. "And despite it all, you are pretty great Jensen and it kind of sucks that you are completely unavailable." Matt sounds like a dream; it's so terrible Jensen can't accept it.

"Matt," Jensen interrupts; he doesn't think he should be so easily forgiven. "I lied-"

But Matt shakes his head, "You didn't lie, Jensen, you've been in love with Jared for so long, it's not like you can just forget that. You wanted to move on and you really tried," Matt reaches out and pats Jensen's hand like a patient mother and while it would normally annoy Jensen, instead it makes him feel comforted and cared for. "It's just a little sad that I was merely a distraction."

Jensen catches Matt's hand in his grasp and holds him tight; it causes Matt to gasp out. "You really are a great guy, Matt," Jensen expresses, the warmth of his hand clutching at Matt. "You have been wonderful and you deserve someone so much better than me."

Jensen feels his heart pound at the blush that ravishes his cheeks. His Alpha is pleased with Matt's understanding. Jensen honestly wishes that he could take Matt on, that he could forget Jared but no.

He can't, no matter how much he wants too.

They finish their dinner and Jensen drives Matt home, walks him to the front door of his condo and even pulls him into a tight hug.

Matt moves against him and Jensen's body reacts naturally, his senses intoxicated with Matt's pretty scents.

"Come in, just for tonight, it doesn't have to mean anything," Matt mouths at Jensen's cheek and Alpha wants that wonton affection, he wants to tear clothes and take take take. But Jensen shakes his head and pulls away.

"I don't want to hurt you and this, if I were to-" he shakes his head with a sad little line to his mouth, "I think you'd hate me," he mutters and Matt laughs, like a knife sadly. 

Matt digs into his pants pocket for his keys. "I'm not going to say anything to Chris or Steve. I mean, it's not their business but I know they were-" Matt huffs with a smile and subtle scratch to the back his neck, "I know they were invested."

Jensen grins and nods. "I really am sorry," he reaches out and touches Matt's cheek, running the back of his down his smooth skin and Matt sighs shakily before he pulls away.

"Stop apologizing, Jensen. I understand," he turns and unlocks the door. He twists towards Jensen one last time before he lets him go. "I really hope that you find happiness. You really are a good man," Matt leans in very quickly and steals a quick soft kiss that leaves Jensen's mouth tingling. "You are wonderful and maybe I can't help you but I do hope that you will find it, with or without Jared." Matt nods with a sweet uplifted twist of his lips. "Thank you for dinner."

Jensen nods and leans in one last time taking Matt's lips in a perfect, chaste kiss that Jensen hopes he won't forget, Matt really does deserve much better than someone who is irrevocably in love with someone else. "Thank you, for everything Matt. Really, thank you."

Matt nods with a blush on his cheeks before he enters his home and closes the door behind him, which leaves Jensen alone on his doorstep.

Jensen heads to his car and looks back at Matt's condo one last time. He can see Matt's shadow moving through the rooms but not once does he look out to the windows. Jensen knows this is done.

It really does sadden him but he grabs for his phone and makes the first call.

"Meet me at my place?" Jensen ducks down into his car and slides the keys into the ignition. "Thanks, man, bring whatever you have. I saw Jared tonight and I need drink."

Jensen hangs up the phone as his car warms up. He takes one last glance at Matt's condo and speeds out of his driveway and down the street.

It really sucks things couldn't work out but Jensen shifts gears, powers through and heads home remembering the feeling of Jared's body pressed against his in that bathroom. 

Jared is still his, Jensen feels it. He knows it.

Jensen will never forget it.

 

Steve is looking at Jensen like he's a smarmy creep. "Seriously? You've been seeing Matt for a couple months and the moment you see Jared you throw all that away? What the hell is the matter with you?"

Jensen grumbles under his breath and shoots down the fire hot shot of the cheap whiskey Chris brings over. "It's not like I meant for it to happen, fuck," he reaches out for another shot. Chris shakes his head as he pours it and Jensen sighs, rising up for a toast. "To being the most pathetic alpha who ever lived," he boasts and Chris glares at him.

"Shut up you idiot."

Jensen snorts and raises his shot glass in salute, "It's true, I'm a fucking moron," he mutters and downs the shot before anyone else can agree.

He's buzzed and heady with a cloud of alcohol wrapped around his brain. He called Chris who called Steve, also called a few more people who were waiting for Jensen when he got back to his house.

It's a small party now, but all Jensen wants is to find Jared and Mark. Steal Jared back. Sweep him off his feet.

"It wasn't just seeing him, you idiot. I got to touch him, hold him, kiss him-"

"You better hope Mark doesn't find out because he'll kill you," Danneel Harris, the first and last woman Jensen ever dated walks up to Jensen and throws an arm around his shoulders. "You're too pretty to die," she pokes her perky nose at Jensen's cheek and gives a sweet hum of a laugh. "Seriously though," Danneel frowns suddenly, "I hope he doesn't find out."

Jensen, and most of the city is fully aware that Mark Pellegrino, while considered a legitimate businessman, knows that he deals with underground sources to fund his businesses.

Jensen can remember being in high school and hearing his father talk about the type of dirty dealings Mark's father used to make to keep on top. Now that Mark has control, it's clear he's simply taken over using the same methods.

It is a little worrisome that Jared is getting involved with that, whether or not he knows it. 

It really isn't something that Jensen wants to think about.

All Jensen really can think about is the way Mark's hands were all over Jared's arm, his elbow, his beautifully pale wrist. He can't imagine thinking of everything else of Jared Mark is touching behind closed doors. It makes him feel ill.

Jensen grabs Chris's beer and downs the rest of it, disregarding Chris's cry of protest as he heads for more liquor. 

"This is your fucking fault, asshole," Jensen shouts and grabs the nearest bottle of booze that will get him shit faced wasted.

Tonight he is going to drink until he can't remember.

 

In the morning Jensen feels like a train is running circles around his head, his insides curling like they want to knot but can't make up it's mind. It's urging every part of his body to vomit for release. 

"Well, princess, you look like shit."

Jensen tries to swallow past the feels the cotton cocoon lodged in his throat. "Chris?" he groans and regrets it as soon as the curtains are thrown open and the blinding white of daylight steals through his room. "No," Jensen groans and rolls around in bed until his head is under the blankets. "Go away."

"Get up, you have work," Chris's voice is an order, firm and very reminiscent of his father's back when he was in high school. "Come on, Steve's got breakfast waiting for you," Chris sounds like he's grinning and Jensen groans loud enough it makes Chris punch out a laugh. "Oh come on," he mutters and throws the blankets off Jensen and tugs at his ankles, pulling down along the bed in a quick, swift motion that leaves Jensen stuttering.

"You son of a bitch!"

Chris sing-songs on his way out. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take a shower too, you smell like bar." 

Jensen groans at the loud slam of his door.

He lays still for a few moments, blinking up at the ceiling, trying to wait out the urge to hurl.

All that does is give him time to remember why he feels like a steamrolled pile of shit.

Jared.

Jensen groans and rolls out of bed, lands on his hands and knees.

His head is pounding, there's no way he's going to be able to eat or work or do much of anything. He doesn't even think he'll be able to keep his internal organs in after the amount of throwing up he knows is coming his way.

"Fuck," Jensen mutters and it's Jared he thinks about the moment his stomach decides to try to claw out of his body and he falls on his knees in front of his toilet.

 

After Matt Jensen decides to just hold off from the dating scene. He's obviously not ready to start dating again and the last thing he wants to do is hurt anyone. 

It's clear he is not over Jared. How could he be? Jared has been his everything for years.

What makes it worse is that they are heading into the holiday season. A time people spend with family and their loved ones.

But Jensen has no family.

Now Jensen has no love either. 

 

Jensen spends Thanksgiving with Chris and Steve. All he can think about is Jared. For the last few years they'd spend Thanksgiving together. 

It was always cute and Jared would actually sit down like a fidgeting kid, as he watched Jensen cook a full meal.

Sometimes they'd get distracted and Jensen would have to remind himself that the table was for food not for Jared's naked body.

Ever since the night at the restaurant, when he held Jared in his arms, kissed his mouth, reveled in his scent, Jensen feels almost as addicted to Jared as he had been when they were dating.

Jensen knows that his friends see him falling back into his old Jared habits and before anyone can try and give him the talk, Jensen tells them all after dinner, when they're sitting around the fire pit with beers and Steve stroking his guitar strings.

"I know what you guys are thinking and I want you to stop," Jensen says unexpectedly. His friends turn to him, Steve stops playing.

Chris looks like the first one ready to speak, it always is, "But Jen-"

Jensen shakes his head. "No need to say anything. I know you guys think I'm going to do something to try and win Jared back," Jensen eyes them all, watches for their reactions, he knows immediately that's exactly what they think he's going to do. 

It's not. 

"I'm not going to do that, he's with Mark and Jared is going to have to deal with that," Jensen breathes heavily, it hits him just how miserable Jared's life is going to be and it rips at his inside. It makes Alpha so anxious his chest feels like there's a bird flying around in there. "But I've been with him for years, I've loved him even longer, so deal with the fact that I’m not ready to move on yet. I want to move on, and I will. I just need-" Jensen takes a pull of beer and sighs, lowers his eyes to the fire, feels the warmth on his face. "Just need to get him out of my system and it's gonna take time."

Chris glances over at Steve and nods.

"Yeah, you got it, man," Chris reaches out and slaps a hand on Jensen's shoulder, give it a squeeze, rough but comforting.

"Good," Jensen nods, reaches up and squeezes his friends hand in gratitude then shoves it off his shoulder as he wipes at his tired eyes, "Steve, play something before Chris changes his mind."

The laughter of the people who love and care for him help the burn.

Steve starts playing an old Eagles classic and Jensen sits back and finishes his beer, staring into the fire.

He does his best not to let Jared in anymore, at least for tonight.

 

Jensen likes to go to the small delicatessen down the street from this office building for lunch.

It's cold outside, the wind like a slap in the face as she walks the quiet street, hands buried deep into his pockets, head low.

Inside the wonderful scents of food circle around him, making his mouth water. It's Christmas time and there's a small tree, beautifully decorated, right in the window.

Jensen likes the Italian subs and the home made kettle chips. 

It's there that he runs into Jared again, this time without Mark.

Jared is with his best friend Chad and another male Jensen's never seen.

Jensen's first instinct is to about face and get the hell out of there but then he remembers the last thing Jared asked of him.

Jared seems happy, smiling as he talks and Jensen's heart gives a little jump. He's not going to run from anymore. He needs to get over him and unless Mark plans to take him out of the city, there is no doubt they will continue to run into each other.

This is something he needs to deal with. 

Jensen doesn't want to hide anymore so he turns around and finds Jared and his party heading in his direction. Jensen smiles at Jared the second their eyes meet.

"Hey, Jared," he gives a little wave and loves the way Jared's eyes still sparkle, Mark can't take that away from him, they're still the prettiest eyes Jensen's ever seen.

"Hey, Jensen," Jared responds with his own grin. It looks for a moment like he wants to step forward and give him a hug but he holds back.

They stare at each other, no words shared before someone clears their throat, Jensen is almost positive it's Chad since he steps up in Jensen's space. 

"Try not to rip his clothes off in public," Chad grins evilly as he throws his arms around Jensen. "Nice to see you, man."

Chad has always been a hard pill to swallow. While they've always gotten along, he is quite the character, always honest and staggeringly blunt in his execution. One thing Jensen has always appreciated and admired about Chad is his unfailing loyalty to Jared.

"Chad, you're looking well," Jensen pulls back and smiles.

"Sorry that Jared got me in the divorce," he winks, "Didn't really have a choice anyway."

"Chad, shut up," Jared speaks up and grabs for him, pulling him back. "This is my cousin, James," Jared points at the unknown face in the party.

He's handsome, tall like the rest of the Padaleckis, bright blue eyes and the same kind of hair Jared has, lush and shaggy. He looks like he could be his brother, just a few darker features. 

Jensen's a little hypnotized but he smiles as he steps up and extends a hand. "Hello, James, I'm Jensen, a-" he breaks away for a second and glances over at Jared, "an old friend."

James smiles with a brilliant set of perfect teeth and pouty full lips, "I know exactly who you are, Jensen," he laughs and shakes Jensen's hand, maybe holding on just a little too long. "I've heard very much about you." 

He really is cute.

"Yeah, ok," Jared breaks their hold on each other by hauling James back a few feet. "We need to go," Jared snaps and Jensen looks at him. 

"Jared-"

Jared starts shoving them towards the door. "Mark's waiting for us at the house," Jared says and it's like a punch to the stomach.

It almost seems a little cruel to mention that name in front of Jensen.

"Go to the car, I'll be out in a second," he all but shoves Chad and James towards the door.

The two looks completely confused but with one more glare from Jared they head out the door saying their quick farewells to Jensen with a quick wave. 

"What the hell was that about?" Jensen asks the second they're gone and Jared is now glaring right at him. 

"That's my cousin," Jared hisses and shoves at Jensen, not with all his strength but enough to make Jensen step back in surprise. "Are you seriously flirting with my cousin in front of me?" Jared is livid; his eyes stormy and so intoxicating it almost makes Jensen's shock a little erotic.

Jensen breathes in deep and rolls his eyes, just because he knows it will aggravate Jared more, seeing as he is being completely irrational already. "I wasn't told that introducing ones self to a stranger was a means of flirting," he quirks his mouth into a playful grin but when Jared doesn't seem to cool down Jensen reaches out and grabs Jared forearm and tugs him close. "Jared, don't be ridiculous."

"Mark's waiting for me," Jared mutters and pulls away from Jensen.

Jared has always known what to say to hurt him.

But sometimes, Jensen can play that game too.

"If this is the kind of attitude I'm going to get when we meet, then maybe staying away from you was the better idea," Jensen tells him and there is the small, vindictive part of him that really hopes it hurts Jared to hear it.

By the way Jared pales Jensen knows it worked.

Jared doesn't say another word as he leaves the deli and all Jensen can hear is his own harsh deep breathes.

 

That night Jensen gets a call from an unknown number. He lets it go to voicemail and when he takes the time to listen, every single hair on Jensen's head stands up.

_"Stay the fuck away from Jared. I can smell you on him and it's disgusting and pathetic. He's mine now. If it happens again, you'll have me to deal with."_

Jensen deletes the voicemail immediately and tosses his phone away.

Mark Pellegrino doesn't scare him. 

What does scare him is what he does to Jared when he scents Jensen on him. There is no doubt that Mark had smelled him that night in the restaurant. Jensen had tasted Jared's mouth, had rubbed against him, today it's merely been a grasp from his hand.

It worries him, today Jensen didn't see anything worth being worried about but with the phone call, Jensen can't help but think maybe Jared's situation is worse than he ever thought it could be.

Jensen really wants to call up Chris and mention it to him, talk it out, get another perspective on the situation but after a few moments, Jensen calms himself and walks over to pick up his phone. He slides it into his pocket and heads for his bedroom. 

There's no sense in doing anything, talking to anyone, however Mark acts, Jared is still with him, that says enough.

That's all Jensen needs to know.

 

It's a week before Christmas when Jensen sees Jared next. Jensen spots him at Whole Foods, he's feeling up some avocados when Jensen pushes his cart near and bumps at his shoulder.

Jared jumps back and Jensen takes notice that there is more to it then just shock; it's almost timid and afraid. Jensen is careful when he reaches out and touches Jared's shoulder.

He stiffens up immediately. 

"Hey, hey," Jensen speaks carefully, "It's just me, Jared."

Jared turns his cheek to him, and there's the faint look of relief. "Jen," he breathes in slowly and sets the avocado in his hand down carefully. "Sorry, I-I didn't mean-"

Jensen knows something is wrong immediately. Jared is favoring his right side, keeping a slight turn away from Jensen. Jared reaches for the avocado again, lowering his head.

It's been a few weeks since their last meeting and from the way Jared is pulling away and acting so horribly submissive, things have clearly changed. 

Most notably and concerning is that Jensen notices almost immediately, there's something wrong by the way Jared smells. His scent is off. It's disturbing. Jensen loves the way Jared smells, the fact that it's different only make Jensen's Alpha worried.

"How are you doing?" Jensen asks, reaching out to him but Jared shakes and startles away from him. It raises a definite red flag. "Jared, please. Come here," he asks, with an underlying heat from his Alpha and Jared turns to him like liquid, plastering himself against Jensen so they are almost one person.

"I'm sorry," Jared says wetly and it sounds like he's about to cry. Jensen is so thrown off by his reaction that Jensen grasps Jared's biceps and pulls him away. Still Jared keeps most of his profile to the right, head bowed and it feels like he's trembling.

"What is going on?" he asks, reaching for Jared's chin. Jared tries to struggle and it only makes Alpha angry. "Knock it off," Jensen growls and Jared surrenders, submitting to the sound of an Alpha request. He lowers his head and Jensen is startled again by the submission of Jared. 

Something is very wrong.

Jensen reaches for Jared's chin again, this time Jared lets him and Jensen lifts and turns him to get a better look.

It only takes the brief glance of the dark purple bruise on Jared's cheek before Jensen is growling out loud. Jared immediately softens and rubs his hand up and down Jensen's back, pressing himself close, like an omega should show comfort. Jensen pushes off and looks back at Jared's face.

"What the fuck is this?" Jensen demands, his blood boiling. Jared's cheek is painted in purple and blue, the edges of his eye a faint yellow of healing. "That motherfucker," Jensen breathes so painfully, his chest is clenched so tight he can hardly breathe. "He did this to you?"

Jared tries to pull away but Jensen's grip is bone crushing and Jared whimpers until Jensen releases him.

"It's not what you think. I-" Jared swallows painfully, "I don't listen sometimes and it-it's not ok," Jared admits softly. "Omegas should be punished for disobeying their Alpha," Jared replies, eyes empty and looking far off. 

"I’m going to kill him," Jensen fumes, the world going red around him, an alarm going off around him ala Kill Bill. He reaches for Jared again but this time Jared moves away before Jensen can make contact. "Jay-"

"I can't be around you," Jared mutters with a slight shake of his head, Jensen can see his hands trembling as he clutches at his cart. "The last time, he got so angry, so-" Jared breathes to calm himself and looks right into Jensen's eyes with pain and regret. "I'm not supposed to see you anymore so maybe you should go back to avoid-" his voice cracks for a moment and it's almost too hard to hear it.

Jensen can literally feel his heart breaking at the terrible sight of his once proud Omega. Jensen pushes his cart away, leaving nothing between them and moves directly into Jared's space. He doesn't touch Jared but he's close enough to hear the sad little puffs of breath from him.

"You don't think I'm about to let you go back to that piece of shit?" Jensen asks him quietly, domestic abuse between Alpha and Omega is not uncommon but that doesn't mean Jensen wants everyone in the store to listen in. 

Jared turns to him with a frown.

Before Jared even has a chance to speak Jensen scents Mark approaching, it's robust and filled with anger, though his face gives nothing away. He wades through the carts and shoppers, eyes sharp in their direction but he appears controlled and almost pleasant as he steps beside Jared and places his hand on the small of his back.

Jensen sees red the second he approaches and grabs for Jared's wrist but Mark is already guiding him away without even a word in Jensen's direction.

"Let's go," Mark shoves Jared's cart away and Jensen watches them head towards the front of the store to leave. He can see Mark's hand clutching at Jared's bicep, grip so tight Jensen can see Jared's wince.

Jensen doesn't even think about it when he leaves his cart behind him and follows, his pace quickening so they don't get too far. He uses Jared's scent to follow them out in to the parking lot, maneuvering his way through the sea of cars until he finds them. Mark's hand is still around Jared's arm and while Jensen can't hear him he can tell by the look on Mark's face that he's furious.

Alpha is not going to allow this and Jensen rushes over.

"You stupid, little, bitch. What did I tell you? Just wait until we get home-"

Jensen's hand closes around Mark's wrist mid air and curls it around his back so quick Mark cries out in pain and shock. Jared cowers away and presses himself against Mark's car, eyes wide with surprise as he stares at Jensen. 

"You mother fucker," Jensen sneers into Mark's ear, his blood boiling. "How dare you raise your fucking hand to him," his grip tightens as he pulls his arm further back; he knows he could easily break his wrist if he needed too. He probably should. "This is done." 

"Jensen," Jared starts speaking carefully. "Jen, please-"

Jensen's eyes zero in on him; he knows he's releasing pheromones; the kind that he also knows Jared won't be able to ignore. "Go to my car, Jared."

Mark arches away trying to fight back but Alpha is taking over and there is nothing Mark can do to win this. "You fucker, I'm going to kill you," Mark growls, trying to get out of Jensen's grasp. "Jared, don't you dare move. Get in the car," Mark orders, then quickly chokes when Jensen wraps his other forearm around his neck and squeezes his adams apple deeper into his throat.

Jensen moves in, both grips around Mark so tight, he can't move at all. "Listen closely you son of a bitch," Jensen speaks clearly and calmly, "Jared is leaving with me and you're going to stay the fuck away from him." Mark opens his mouth to say something and Jensen's arm only digs further into his neck to cut him off. "I'm going to talk to his parents and dissolve whatever bulllshit contract you have with them, it's over," he informs and turns to Jared who's walking towards Jensen, his hand lifting to his arm and touching him carefully. "Jared?"

For a horrifying moment Jensen thinks Jared is about to reject him but instead he curls his hand around Jensen's arm and gives it a little tug. "Jensen, let him go," he says softly and Alpha whines, "You're going to kill him," he adds and tugs again at Jensen's arm.

Jensen growls for a moment, the hot anger and hate dissipating slowly before he releases some of the pressure, enough for Mark to take in a deep breath.

"Let him go, Jensen, so we can leave," Jared says, completely ignoring Mark, ignoring the hateful gaze Jensen knows Mark is giving him. Mark is trembling under his grasp with such anger, Jensen is almost afraid to let him go.

But Jared is looking at Jensen like the only person in the world, his universe, eyes welled with tears and the scent and love Jensen only associates with Jared coming back.

"Please, Jen?"

Jensen lets Mark go instantly and shoves him towards his car, doesn't even spare a glance at him as he pulls Jared into his bod  
Jared curls around Jensen like he's always belonged right there. Jensen holds him tight and watches Mark get to his feet, catching his breath, over Jared's shoulder. The look on his face is murderous but Alpha isn't worried when his Omega is back where he should be.

"If you ever come near him again I will destroy you and everything you own," he warns and kisses Jared's neck right in front of Mark so he can see, so he can witness the promise. Jared pulls away with a sigh but Jensen's eyes are steady on Mark. "Let's go, Jared."

"Fine, he was a terrible little bitch anyway," Mark sneers. "All he's good for is fucking and even that's not-"

Jensen doesn't even remember taking the few steps to Mark or punching him, but the next thing is does remember is seeing Mark sprawled on the parking lot, spitting out blood.

Jensen's chest is heaving, his breath coming out harsh and loud as he scowls down at Mark Pellegrino. "Don't ever speak to him or see him again. This is your only warning."

Jared's warmth presses against Jensen's back. "Let's go, Jen," he whispers, hands reaching around and soothing his fluttering chest with caring strokes.

Jensen nods and turnI havs around in Jared's embrace. He kisses him on the mouth, soft and quick. "Let's go home."

 

Jensen opens the door to the penthouse and turns on the light before he lets Jared in.

Alpha is so happy to have him back home. 

Jared walks towards the couch a bit shyly; it pains Jensen to see the awful bruise on his face. He moves to him and gently reaches up. "Does it hurt?" he asks, not touching his cheek but hovering over it, wishing he had the power to take it away.

He's still so beautiful and Jensen's heart beats.

Jared shakes his head. "Not anymore," he answers and guides his cheek into the palm of Jensen's hand. He closes his eyes and sighs.

Jensen pulls his hand away and peppers healing kisses around his cheek, the yellow bruise healing around his eye. Jared hums contentedly.

"I hope your parents won't be too disappointed, I'm not nearly as wealthy as Mark." Jensen speaks after a moment and Jared snorts.

"They have enough money, they'll survive. They'll just be happy to have me finally conform to the tradition," he shrugs.

Jensen nods and guides Jared to the couch, taking a seat, their knees bumping. "Look, talking about that, we really should discuss this," Jensen begins. "Seeing how Mark completely broke you down," he shakes his head, remembering the looks, the damaged, awful, scent that followed in his wake, "I won't do that to you."

Jared reaches for Jensen's hands, "You want kids and family but I don't want to make you unhappy," he frowns.

"Not being with you has been the worst time of my life," Jensen moves in closer and cups Jared's cheeks. "I can live without the family, I can't live without you."

Jared surges forward and kisses him hard on the mouth. Jensen's hands crawl into his hair, curling around the soft strands, tugging at it just to hear the pretty little whimpers from Jared's mouth. He loves that sound and tugs one more time just to hear it again.

When Jared pulls away his lips are beautifully full and ruined, "Can we?" he asks, his cheeks flushed, neck red with desire.

Jensen's eyes flash and his body is aching to touch Jared. "Come on," he pulls Jared to his feet. 

Jared's plastered to his back the moment he's on his feet, his mouth attached to Jensen's neck, his hands burying under Jensen's shirt, warm and seducing. "I've missed you so much." Jared's heat radiates off him and he's already hard, Jensen shudders and feels his own body react. "You feel so good."

"Oh, fuck, come here," Jensen stumbles up the stairs and finally stops and turns, presses Jared against the wall and ravishes his mouth, sucking on Jared's tongue.

He missed this. Jensen missed hearing his perfect noises, the heat of his skin the way he moves against him.

"Jen, please," he moans, licks slowly into Jensen's mouth, biting softly at his bottom lip. "Please," he begs and spreads his legs so Jensen can slide his thigh between. He's so hard and it makes Jensen's cock jerk in anticipation. Jensen strokes his hands down Jared's back, and down towards his beautiful, firm ass, pulling him closer, feeling the hard press of Jared against him.

Jared's groans as he ruts against Jensen's leg, his eyes blown out wide and glassy with desire. He whimpers and bites at his lip.

Jensen leans in and mouths at Jared's neck. "Tell me what you want," he bites at Jared's neck and revels in the pleasure pain cry that escapes. Jensen soothes it with a lick and kiss. He buries his nose against his skin, breathing in so deep, drinking him in, pressing himself closer, wanting to crawl into his skin.

"Bed," Jared pants, "I want to touch you," he rubs up and down Jensen's leg impatiently, whining.

Jensen gives one last delicious lick to the pretty bruise he sucked on Jared's neck and hauls him up the rest of the stairs to the bedroom. 

Trying to make out and take off their clothes proves to be too challenging after Jared trips and falls on the bed, Jensen's elbow almost catching him on the way down. Jensen continues to undress and finds himself more turned on watching Jared peel himself out of jeans and underwear. Jared stretches out on Jensen's bed gloriously naked, his normally tan skin just slightly more pale due to the winter season. 

God, he's so fucking beautiful. How could Jensen think anyone else could make him forget this?

Jensen shucks off the rest of his clothes and climbs on the bed, starts at Jared's feet, kissing his beautiful arch, licking at his ankle. Jared's leg flexes as Jensen bites at Jared's calf, mouths along the back of his knee. He's trembling and breathing heavy when Jensen nips at the inside of his thighs. When Jensen gets to Jared's dripping cock he breaths in and nudges at his balls, he doesn't touch his dick and instead licks the crease of Jared's pelvis and moves past the wiry thatch of hair, letting his tongue run up towards his belly button which he noses out, smiling when Jared's stomach caves for a moment and he stifles a laugh.

"Jen," Jared breathes out and Jensen props himself up on his elbows and looks down at Jared. He's so turned on, the flush is on his chest, beautifully pink and blue and purple and yellow.

Seeing the hidden bruises along Jared's ribs is almost enough to lose his erection. He sits up and reaches for Jared who's suddenly aware of what's happening. Remembering what Jensen couldn't see before.

"Jen-" he whispers and begins to curl into himself but Jensen holds him still and leans in until his mouth is moving over every single part of marred skin.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers over and over into Jared's flesh, rubbing his cheek against Jared's chest, licking at Jared's nipples and going back to the place Jared was hurt. He's comforted by Jared's hands running through his hair, down his neck, along his shoulders.

"Don't Jensen," his voice sounds a little wet and Jensen looks up, "it's me and you now," he tugs at Jensen who climbs up and covers Jared's body with his, weighs him down, protects Jared, hears him groan and wrap his legs around him. "Make me forget him," Jared ruts, under Jensen, his trapped cock so hard Jensen knows it must be painful. "Make me yours forever," Jared sighs, "please."

"All mine?" Jensen asks, his heart soaring.

The truth in Jared's eyes is like lighting jolting through Jensen. He curls his hand into Jared's hair and kisses him hard on the mouth, draws out a beautiful moan from him before he kisses his eyes, his cheeks, his forehead, his chin.

"Tell me something, Jared, before I make you mine," Jensen pauses and hates himself for asking this in the middle of their most intimate reunion. "Did he make you feel good?" Jensen finds himself asking because he needs to know. Jared spent months with Mark, lived with him, slept with him. But Alpha wants to know, wants to know if Mark was better. If Make gave Jared the things Jensen thought only he could.

"Was he better than me?" Jensen can't stop talking.

Jared wiggles, tries to get more friction, needing more. Wanting more. "No," Jared shakes his head and digs his nails into Jensen's back, arching up against him, "No never. Please, Jen, please, I hated him, I hated the way he looked at me, the way he-the way he touched me. When he-" Jared breaks off painfully, turning his head and burying his face into Jensen's neck.

"Jared-"

"I thought about you, always you, it was the only thing that helped me get through it," Jared confesses. 

It makes Alpha so happy to hear that.

"Did he knot you?" Jensen moves, searches for Jared's mouth, seeking, wanting. Jared shivers and gasps as Jensen breathes heatedly, his tongue licking along the rim of his lips, "did he take that chance away from me?" he whispers.

With the shake of Jared's head Jensen's heart soars, all the fears he worried about washing away with excitement and he flips them around so Jared is on top, perfect position for Jensen to feel him, perfect for Jared move. "Is this mine, Jared?" Jensen asks, hands ducked low and promising on Jared's ass, spreading him open, open enough to get the tip of his finger right there, rubbing him in the precious part of his body, the heat, warm with intoxicating slick. It's so hot and perfect. "Can I finally have this?" he asks, the tip of his finger rubbing soothing circles, softening him up.

Jared shakes and whines a bit before he nods, eyes open and baring right into Jensen's soul. "Yes, it's for you," he gasps as soon as Jensen slides a finger in to the knuckle and moves it slowly out. His eyelashes flutter prettily, "it's always been yours," he groans.

Jensen adds another finger and Jared shudders, pushing down, getting him deeper.

"Jen, I need you inside me, please," Jared begs and Jensen pulls his fingers out and flips back around.

He kisses Jared, "Ok, I've got you," he whispers and crawls down Jared's body, kissing, sucking, biting at his skin. 

Jensen settles himself between Jared's spread legs, and takes Jared's beautiful hard cock in his hand. He licks at the red head and sucks the dripping slick onto his tongue to the beautiful tune of Jared's intoxicating moans. When he takes him all the way into his mouth, Jared arches off the bed with a cry.

"Oh fuck," Jared groans and slides his hands into Jensen's hair as Jensen beings to move. Jensen slides a finger back into Jared, getting him ready.

His cock is so hard he needs to get into Jared soon so Jensen pulls off and licks the gorgeous head of Jared's dick one last time before he sits up, his hand on his own cock, using his slick to lube up despite the fact that Jared is already leaking onto the back of his thighs.

Jensen reaches down and spreads Jared's legs, leans down and uses his hands to spread Jared wide. His pretty asshole's glistening with slick, glossy and twitching in anticipation. 

It's been so long since Jensen's had this and he leans in and tongues at the center of Jared's heat, pushing the tip of his tongue in just a bit.

"Oh god," Jared shakes and grasps as Jensen. "Right there," he writhes. 

He taste like honey and sweetness and Jensen holds him open, wrapping his mouth around him, sucking and pulling the prettiest noises from Jared.

"Please, Jen, please fuck me already," he begs and Jensen kisses his soft center one last time before he gets to his knees and presses the head of his cock against Jared's hungry little hole, opening and closing for him. He rubs himself around, Jared softening up more and more, waiting, needing, trying to grasp on to him.

"Ready, Jay?" he asks and Jared's so flushed, glistening with sweat, he's shaking with anticipation. The moment Jensen feeds Jared his cock, sinking in so perfectly, crushed so beautifully inside Jensen groans and tries not to come. He feels the same, perfect and made just for him, like a glove. "Oh fuck, goddamnit Jared," he mutters and looks down, pulls back and thrusts in, watching his dick gliding in and out of Jared's body.

Jensen takes a couple moments to just fall even more helplessly in love with Jared. 

Jared locks his legs around Jensen and pulls him in closer. 

"Jared," Jensen groans when he Jared clutches at him, squeezes and Jared soon starts meeting each thrust with a grunt and that's all Jensen needs before he lets himself go.

The sound of their fucking is glorious and loud in the room, Jared's gut-punched groans like music that urges Jensen on and on until he can feel his knot growing.

Jared pushes back on him and Jensen kisses Jared breathless before he begins to pull out.

"No," Jared reaches up and wraps his arms around Jensen's neck, biting at Jensen's mouth, "it's ok," he pants.

Jensen stops for a moment, buried deep into Jared and when Jared clutches at him Jensen groans. "Jay-"

"Do it, Jen-" Jared looks up and into Jensen's eyes, his eyes sparkling so beautifully Jensen wants to remember that look forever. "I want to make you happy," he whispers and licks into Jensen's mouth, pulling back slowly, feeling the slide of Jensen's cock from the inside, he thrusts himself back up and punches out a grunt from Jensen it leaves him trembling.

"I need you to be sure, when it starts, I can't stop it," Jensen explains carefully. Jared gives another little rut that stimulates his knot and Jensen shivers. "Thank you, Jay," Jensen breathes like a prayer and lifts Jared's leg, turning him on his side and getting behind for a better position. Jensen slides his leg between Jared's and thrust in experimentally. Jared quivers. "Thank you," Jensen mutters over and over again, thrusting a little harder, his hand moving around Jared and between his legs, which has Jared tensing up wonderfully around him. 

"Fuck, fuck, Jen," Jared tenses after a few pulls of Jensen's hand and comes, the clutch of his inside so crushing Jensen feels ready to explode, his heart pounding, his balls drawing up tight, as he moves deeper and deep, trying to push past the tight rim of Jared's most precious part.

With one last thrust and needy whine from Jared, Jensen feels his knot slide in and lock as he comes buried so deep inside Jared for the first time after five years of hoping.

There's no way to explain the way it feels to finally knot Jared. Jensen presses his cheek to Jared's shoulder and wraps his arms around him like a vice. He can feel the thump thump of Jared's heart below his hand and it sparks another blurt of come out. Jensen kisses Jared's skin and revels in the way Jared's body pulls him in tighter, shuddering in his hold.

"It feels so nice," Jared whispers into the quiet air, his hand curling around Jensen's and bringing it to his mouth, kissing his fingers, sucking the tip of middle finger for a few seconds. "I never thought that it would feel like this," Jared kisses Jensen's wrist, the middle of his palm, he breathes in Jensen's scent. He can't stop touching Jensen, rubbing against him, pushing down, pulling Jensen in closer, deeper.

It's the most love and caring Jared has ever been after sex. It's the first time they haven't fought and pushed at each other. It's amazing.

Everything has changed, Jensen can feel it; the way Jared smells, the way his skin feels. It’s like Jared's heartbeat is literally inside his own chest and it's beating so strong and so beautifully with Jensen's.

The world looks entirely different and it brings tears to Jensen's eyes. He buries his face in Jared's neck, kissing him, loving him, so fucking thankful for such an amazing gift.

 

By the time Jensen's knot deflates Jared is snoring softly in Jensen's arms. 

He pulls back slowly, trying his best not to wake Jared in the process. Once he's finally out Jared whines and turns on his stomach and squirms over the bed restlessly. Jensen can't stop the love radiating from him as he runs his hands down Jared's back to calm him, he leans over and presses his lips to the back of Jared's neck, down his spine and smiles as Jared lets out a pleasured, sleepy sigh and relaxes.

Jensen works his way down Jared's body, sucking gently at the nubs of Jared's poking spine until he's nosing at the cleft of Jared's beautiful ass and stops himself from biting at the delicious skin. Jared's been through enough today, leaving the Alpha he's supposed to mate, mating and taking another's knot. All Jensen wants is to make the rest of his life the happiest it can be.

Jensen gets to his knees and used his hands to spread Jared's cheeks apart and he sees the beautiful slick puffy entrance to euphoria. His pretty pink rim is puffy and used, Jensen can smell his come dripping out and it doesn’t take anything before his tongue's right there, like a salve, healing him and sucking out the pain of mating.

Jared whines in his sleep and pushes up onto Jensen's tongue, trying to lock him in but Jensen sucks and pulls what's left, swallowing his own seed and loving every minute of it before he kisses the precious place and wraps the blankets around them. 

Jared will be in heat soon; it's what happens once Omega's are knotted for the first time and Jensen has to prepare for that.

He's exhausted now.

In the morning they'll deal with all the little details. For now, Jensen pulls the blankets over them, plastering himself to Jared as he sleep and rubs what little scent he has left in his body all over.

Christmas is only three days away but Jensen knows the greatest gift he'll ever receive from Santa this year, is this.

This precious, stubborn Omega whom he's loved for so long; they may not have a family for years to come and that's ok.

Because all Jensen's ever wanted was Jared.

And now he has him. He is going to make Omega happy, just the way Alpha should. Just the way Alpha wants too and he hopes that's enough.

Jensen sighs pleasantly into Jared's skin. His hands moving calmly over Jared's heated skin, not disturbing his sleep at all.

"Thank you," he whispers one last time and closes his eyes.


End file.
